#Reverb14: Certainty

Take a quiet moment to consider: what can you say right now with certainty?

 

Opening the brown cardboard box my breathing instinctively slows and with a deep breath, I lift out the tree, bound in burlap with a red bow, the one you bought for me.

Straightening branches and adjusting lights, I feel the tenuous link to Christmases past, the ones with you in them.  The lights blur and in a teary haze, I see you.  Somehow, you found the strength to give us that last Christmas Day for sixteen days later you would breathe your last breath.

Time nudges me forever forward but there is one thing I am certain of . . . I will always love you.

Linking up with #Reverb14

In Loving Memory

 

I held your hand

as you once held mine

both of us learning

to take the next step

mine towards life

yours towards death

 

In loving memory of my dad

'X' Marks The Spot

 

'X' marks the spot
 

where I first found myself floored

reeling from the impact of a

ten ton truck

 

'X' marks the spot

where my heart was torn open

while others stood by
watching helplessly

'X' marks the spot

where hands closed around my throat
choking the air
from my burning lungs

'X' marks the spot

but there's no treasure
no matter how deep I dig

just an emptiness, a gaping wide hole

'X' marks the spot

of the sting, a sting I selfishly give thanks for

that's easier to recover from
than being

scraped up off the floor

heartbroken

or suffocated

'X' marks the spot

 of grief that still cuts deep

yet reminds me of how much
I love you

'X' marks the spot

of the man that could have been
should have been
would have been
you



Linking up with the poets at d'Verse

Wish #AugustMoon13

If you had one wish – guaranteed to be fulfilled by the end of 2013 – what would it be?

This prompt reminded me of a poem I wrote a little while ago . . . . .

I wish

 

to walk hand in hand

to hear the roar of the sea

 

I wish

 

to feel the wet sand

to feel how it used to be

 

I wish

 

to feel salt air on my face

to feel the waters pull

 

I wish

 

to feel your soft embrace

to hear the cries of a gull

 

I wish

 

that for just one minute

you could be here with me

 

I wish

 

life wasn't empty without you in it

but I guess it wasn't meant to be

 

 

So . . . . . if anything was possible, I would wish to see my dad again.

 

Linking up with August Moon

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Last chance to enter my textured art painting giveaway. A winner will be drawn at random tomorrow morning.

 

Photo Heart Connection: Exploration of Self

I've always been intrigued by artists who express their inner selves through their artwork but it wasn't until I saw the series of self portraits in Seth Apter's book 'The Pulse of Mixed Media' that I felt a growing urge to dig deep and explore this idea through my own art.    

 

 

The piece below is something I've been working on for a while.  It's a torso made of plaster adhered to a wood panel.  When I first came to paint it I tried a lighter color palette (brown, beige and cream) but it didn't feel right.

 

 

After walking away and revisiting it I decided I had to repaint it black so that I could start over again (I always work from a black background as a white background creates a mental brick wall . . . I have to wonder if that will ever change).

 

 

While I loved the texture that the plaster created it felt a little bare so I decided to add some additional markings.  I inscribed the word 'self' to mark my journey while 'believe' was my chosen word for the year.



 

 

Fear was an important choice for all to often I find that fear is what holds me back and stops me from making choices and being able to move forward.

 

Linking up with Kat for this month's Photo Heart Connection

 

Other markings include a scar across the heart which depicts grieve and a ladder on the main section of the torso which indicates growth and possibilities.

 

 

After the neutral color experiment I went back to my dark autumnal palette but somehow that doesn't seem to be working for me either.

 

 

It looks like this weekend I'll be repainting it once again so that I can experiment with grey, silver and black tones.  I've learnt that if something doesn't feel right to keep repainting and working with it until it does because until you get 'that feeling' it's just not finished.

 

 

Scintilla Project: A Part Of Me Lost

Prompt:  Show a part of your nature that you feel you've lost.  Can you get it back?  Would it be worth it?

I heard someone say "it's time".  My breath caught in my throat as my heart pounded.  Two simple words that would forever change my life.  I wanted to shake them off like an ill fitting sweater but the more I struggled the tighter they took hold. 

My feet began to to move and I found myself inching towards the room where you lay.  There was a strange sound that seemed out of place . . . . . a death rattle filled the room, filling my heart and soul with its presence. 

I took your hand and just moments later I felt you leave.  With one last breath, you, the man who had meant the world to me were gone.  In that moment I felt ripped wide open as though there was a gaping hole right through the very core of me.  A part of me was lost that day.  Even though nine years have passed, and the hole is smaller, a part of me will remain forever lost.